the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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