So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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