Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
