So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
