I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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