so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
