apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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