I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
