So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
