I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
