U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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