can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
