Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
