Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
