spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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