Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
