That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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