Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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