he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
