shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize