running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
