There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
