He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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