I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
