I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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