There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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