Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
