Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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