Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
