He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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