Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
