last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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