His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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