Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
