WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
