The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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