Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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