Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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