I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
