He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
