My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Randomize
