Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
