So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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