You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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