I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
