she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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