i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
