bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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