You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
