Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
