Plan B is the new Plan A
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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