I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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