I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
