I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
