You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
