Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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