This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
