My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
