When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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