What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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