Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
