Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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