i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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