That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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