Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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