I just threw up on my dentist
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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