im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
