i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
