I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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