I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
