So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We left the knife in your bed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
