we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
