For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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