the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
