Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Operation Purity has been aborted
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
