Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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