Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
