i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
