wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
