can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize