it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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