Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
