we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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