he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
