...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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