Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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