if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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