I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
