Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
