i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
