i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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