I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
