if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
