apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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